End of Maternity Leave- a Poem!

I finished maternity leave- arg! I've been back at work 2 weeks now so here's a daft poem to sum up the "time off" I had on maternity leave...(Most of it of course still applies though!)

Here goes:

Nine months ago our little human appeared, She looked just like her Dad- it was a little bit weird. Time has whizzed by, where has it gone?! We've struck up the most incredible bond. At first I thought mat leave was just baby 'time off,' How naive I was! I chuckle and scoff... People ask: what did I do with all of that time? TIME?! What time?! I squawk and chime!

Half my morning was spent battling arms and vests, Those poppers were pesky: velcro would be best. Once dressed I then had to think about food, And whilst prepping, our baby had usually poo-pooed. Then there was wiping and wiping some more, Backside, body parts, highchair and floor! Huge piles of washing with puree on clothes And so many minutes spent wiping her nose. Giving baby a bath was like tickling an eel- And when she got out we'd dance to stop squeals. Parent Performance was the main entertainment: There was many a tune with my own odd arrangement. I spent much of my time talking about poo and boobs; Apparently when you're a Mum it's no longer rude.

A car journey looked like we were going on tour and a challenge was getting out the door before four! We cut back on sleep- it was to be expected- As there was many a night where it was quite hectic. So many people said, "Oh will you have another?!" Did I look like I was ready to give her a brother?!?! My hair became more like the head of a mop And I couldn't recall what it meant to clothes shop. I scurried about like old Speedy the mouse, Milk, food, play, whilst cleaning the house. By cleaning I was merely creating space to live as after ten minutes I really didn't give-

-Because mat leave was so full of distraction, "She's sitting!" "Crawling!" It was full of action! When asked, "What on earth did you do all day?!?" There are many expletives I wanted to say...

So if anyone out there is still wondering what I've done, I've spent nine months learning to do life as a Mum!