Part 2. Parenthood Begins!

Our first two weeks of parenthood have been more pleasurable than we imagined or had been warned (but perhaps the painkillers were soothing me to start with!?) In all seriousness: she sleeps; waves her arms and legs; pulls faces; 'eats'; gets wind; and dirties nappies. She cries or grizzles for latter three- and so far, we've got this...

Night-times haven't been hideous either- yet! Thus far, I think she falls into the 'good baby' category in consideration- hoorah!!!

Despite this, we would still claim tiredness, which means we do have to report some spells of delirium. My Husband took up the opportunity of my recovering state to lap up the athletics on the TV in between Daddy duties. At one point this week, I was ever so confused. Coming round from a post-feeding-machine-nap, I zoned into the background noise of the athletics and wondered why on earth they kept on repeating the fact that one of the athletes was an 'only child!' I lolloped towards my Husband and (potentially a little aggressively- blame hormones) called out, “Why do they keep mentioning the fact that she's an only child?! What's that got to do with anything?!”

At which point, my little grumpy moment was completely squashed and struck down by a hysterical Husband who informed me that the athlete's name was “Amy Childs” -

not “only child.” Twit.

BUT- at least the stupidity could be shared when we both admitted we'd separately had a moment of wondering whether to buy the baby a toothbrush...

We have also been concerned that our midwife and health visitor might think we're nuts. They seem to turn up at the house at 'prime poo time,' which normally results in us crying with laughter (I'm sure ultra pooey nappies will become less funny with time, but we are still in first time parent mode at the mo!)

Our midwife came round in the first few days and we had to change baby. As we were doing so upstairs, what I can only describe as 'chocolate sauce' just continued to free flow out and everywhere! As this was our first experience of a poo 'river,' we found ourselves weeping with laughter and behaving like children in a school assembly, where trying not to laugh only makes the laughing harder and more ridiculous!

We just kept holding the already soggy nappy up to the baby, as if that would prevent the changing mat from flooding! *Note: never turn to me in any form of emergency.

A very similar scenario occurred when the Health Visitor turned up a week later. This time, we're talking korma-consistency and we're mid change when she knocks on the door. My Husband was doing the changing of the 'full to the brim' nappy, but making it a team effort, I was assisting this time and bent down at the end of the changing table to pick up a clean nappy. As I do so, yellow poop actually flies- FLIES- we're talking AIR-BORNE FAECES- across the table towards my face and lands centimetres from my cheek!

I scream!

Baby goes cross eyed! (Why do they do that?!)

And again Husband is hysterical!

Those of you that know him will be aware he has a very loud, high-pitched laugh, which is enough to send us both into a state of tear-streaming laughter. Problem was, I really needed to answer the door, so with make up smudged around my eyes and unable to breathe properly from giggling too hard, I took one for the team and managed to open the door to this poor lady as I hyperventilated: “Sorry- laughing- come in- nappy situation- bad timing-so funny-”

Meanwhile, in the background, all that could be heard was hyena howling from my Husband, which was completely distracting and not helpful when I was trying to convince the Health Visitor that she was welcome to come on in. Thank the Lord that after an hour she seemed to realise we were actually quite 'normal' and suitable parents, not utter fruit-loops.

That said, one of the main difficulties we have encountered thus far is probably laughable. Who knew that dressing a newborn would be so tricky??? I've changed babies before as I temporarily worked in a nursery, but they were of the larger variety than the just-out-of-the-womb type. The only way I can describe 'tweezering' her little fingers and toes into vests and baby-grows is like attempting to poke fine-bone china through a key hole.

And as for her delicate, not-yet-fused head, it's like trying to manoeuvre a near-to-bursting water balloon through a cat flap!

So far, I think this post sums up the past fortnight quite aptly. There isn't much more to say yet. We're living a very cyclical lifestyle now (goodbye spontaneity;) we've had lots of lovely visitors (thanks all for the abundance of gifts/cards); and we have a cute daughter who doesn't care that we're delirious- she's so nice!

In the next couple of weeks I'll aim to venture out. I wonder what musings that will bring.....if I can eventually master the art of getting the pram up without looking like a complete twonk fighting levers and buttons...!